koko's thoughts

2005-07-27T20:46:00.000+08:00

2005-07-27T20:12:00.000+08:00

ranting, ranting...so ano ka? tao o aso?

2005-07-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

i particularly enjoyed the cubao area last saturday. as katips area head, i didn't really get to 'enjoy' the katips area...i had to tend to the grouping; treat ronald who fell off the see-saw and had quite a small wound which unnaturally bled too much; talk to the "ateneo" group and try to explain to the very makulit mother that we just can't accept additional kids right now; i also had to take in 4 additional kids from a certain area in UP(temporarily, of course); handle the line for water; and finally collect the trash...whew! and i didn't get to play at all!!! aaaa!

but at least, i enjoyed the cubao area. yep. i really did. yes, THE infamous CUBAO area, where the kids are good enough to be deployed in iraq and wreck so much havoc that the terrorists would simply die out because of the competition.

as i entered the newly-renovated Stella Maris covered courts, one of the kids from my Violet group named Jenny immediately rushed to hug me, i didn't expect that coz i just knew her from the area 2 weeks ago..and yet she ran to me, hugging me as if she missed me. awwwww...talk about heart-warmers...sheesh..i kinda miss her right now *sniff sniff*. then the two of us played together the whole time, and i particularly enjoyed her company (she looks just like a college friend of mine too ha!). when she got a LITTLE tired as the area neared the end, she just sat on my lap, embracing me. sheesh..i really miss her huhuhuhu! i wanna go to cubao again!!!!

i wonder if she gets to hug her mom like that, or her dad in the other hand. i hope she does so, but the possibility that she doesn't get to do that bothers me. the way she hugs me so tight and always seeks my company, and the fact that she missed me, keeps me thinking that she doesn't experience that kind of comfort, security and friendship at home. but i really hope she does, i really do. i pray she does.

and jenny is my reason for staying, for believing, and hoping.

i get bothered (and ANNOYED) everytime someone asks me what do i get in return by helping these kids; when they say that what i do is hopeless; when they say that we should ALL migrate and settle somewhere, ANYwhere except here because there's just no hope for our country.

IF YOU PEOPLE KEEP ON SAYING THOSE THINGS AND THRIVE ON A MENTALITY LIKE THAT, THEN THERE IS NO HOPE INDEED! NOT FOR THIS COUNTRY, BUT FOR YOU, YOU COWARDS! YOU SISSIES! YOU ASSHOLES!

ba't ba gustung'gusto niyong takasan ang mga problema niyo?! ganyan na ba kayong ka-duwag at aalis na lamang para manirahan sa ibang bansa? ba't hindi niyo munang subuking manatili at tumulong sa kapwa? tulungan ang isa't-isa? hindi ba pwede iyon? mahirap ba?! oo, mahirap nga, sino bang may sabing madali? pero hindi porke mahirap, e hindi niyo na susubukin iyon. at hindi porke mahirap ibig sabihing wala nang pag-asa. at oo, ganyan talaga ang landas ng kadakilaan--puro dugo, pawis, kalungkutan. MAHIRAP. pero kailangan tahakin ito. at bakit? dahil TAO tayo. HINDI tayo hayop. magkaiba un.

kaya ganyan ang pinagsasabi ninyo dahil masuwerte kayo. hindi ninyo alam ang kalagayan ng iba diyang gumagala-gala sa kalye, na doon na naninirahan at kumakain at natutulog at nabubuhay. wag na, wag mong ipilit na alam mo, kahit atenista ka pa, kahit naka-immersion ka na o tiga-SOA org pa...hindi mo lang talaga alam ang buhay nila, kahit ako hindi ko alam. hindi natin malalaman iyan. hinding-hindi. lahat ng alam natin ay patikim lamang. pupusta ako na hindi natin kakayaning lunukin ito, masusuka lang tayo dahil hindi tayo sanay.

wag na wag niyong sasabihin sa pagmumukha ko na wala nang pag-asa ang batang Musmos dahil uupakan ko kayo mga putangina kayo.

kung kayo kaya ang nasa kalagayan ni jenny, anong mararamdaman niyo? pucha, maglaan naman kayo ng panahon niyo para pag-isipan naman ito. kung kayo si jenny, hindi ba giginhawa ang pakiramdam niyo kung alam niyong may mga ate't kuya na bumibisita sa inyo tuwing sabado at nakikipaglaro sa inyo? hindi ka ba mabibigyan ng pag-asa na malaman mong kahit mahirap ang buhay mo ay meron pa ring mga taong nakakaalala sa iyo? na may mga ate't kuya ka na hindi nakalimot sa iyo? na hindi ka na nag-iisa sa buhay mo? mahalaga iyon sayo diba? hindi ba?!

kung wala kang paki edi putangina mo hayop ka.

bakit ba hindi nating magawa ang tulungan ang mga nangangailangan ng tulong? ganun ba kahirap? pano nating nagagawang pabayaan na lang basta-basta ang kapwa natin? nasaan na ang pagkatao natin kung gayon? ganun na lang ba? sarili na lang ang papansinin natin, bahala na ang iba sa buhay nila...'may pera ako, at kaya kong lisanin ang bansa ko kaya aalis nako bahala na kayo diyan...basta busog ako ok na, paki ko ba sa iba diyan...problema na ninyo yan, ako, naisaayos ko na buhay ko at wala nakong problema.' oo, ganito nga ang nangyayari ngayon at totoong nakalulungkot ito. nawala na ang pagkatao ng nakararami.

kung nagagawa niyong mabuhay nang matiwasay at walang iniisip habang marami sa kapwa mo ang nagugutom at desperado sa buhay at wala kang ginagawa ukol dito, e ano bang pinagkaiba mo sa aso? ano? wala.

etong ginagawa ko, ginagawa ko kse alam kong tama ito, at nararapat lamang gawin. sino pa bang makatutulong sa kanila kundi tayo lamang hindi ba? oo, dapat sila-sila rin magtulungan, kaso ang problema hindi nila kaya iyon kung nasa isip nilang pinabayaan na sila ng lipunan. kaya nga't heto na't kailangan natin silang bigyan ng pag-asa para makita nila na may mapupuntahan pa ang pagsisikap nila diba? at wag niyo ring sasabihing napakatamad ng mga mahihirap...wag niyong sabihin iyon dahil TAYO rin ang may kasalanan nun. maraming rason kung bakit sila naging mahirap, at totoong mas higit na mahirap ang umahon dito. halos imposible. HALOS. isipin niyo: ubod ng hirap na nga ang labanan NILA ang kahirapan nila, tapos hindi mo pa sila tutulungan?! e talaga namang mapipikon ung tiga-skwater nun dahil kahit anong gawin niya, hindi siya makakaahon dahil mag-isa lang niya itong ginagawa at hindi pa tumutulong sa kanya ang kapwa niya! aba, kung ako ung pulubi, hindi nako sisikap dahil wala na kse talagang pag-asa e! wala namang paki ung mayayaman e. pucha, e kung nakawan ko nalang kaya sila?!

o diba?

hay. napipikon talaga ako. kelangan ko talaga itong ilabas.

but if YOU ask me that stupid question again, then here's my answer: i continue to do what i do because i believe that i am right, that what i do just NEEDS to be done no matter what. i do what i do because i am a person, a human being among other human beings. but most of all, i do this for Him. period.

iyan ang sagot ko sa tanong mo. pero ako naman ang magtatanong sa iyo: so ano ka nga? tao o aso?

dapat inde nako pumashok...

2005-07-21T15:30:00.000+08:00

hay nako, out of my three classes today, two were freecuts! WAH! SAYANG lang oras ko nun huhuhhu!

anyways, grabe si sir maoch kanina! pagpasok pa lang niya, sakin kaagad tumingin at sinabing, "o ano nix, handa ka na ba para sa 'report' mo?"

mejo masagwa ata ung reaction ko kaya hinabol pa niya ng, "sabihin mo lang kung meron o wala. ok lang!"

e ako, gusto ko na sanang sabihin na "wala ser! wala akong report!!!!" pero um-'oo' ako. gago.

ayan tuloy, nagreport nga ako...mga 10-15 mins cguro un...buti na lang mejo maayos ung pagreport ko, at nakita ko naman sa mukha niya na mukhang tama naman ung mga pinagsasabi ko (o naaawa lang siya sakin at ngumiti na lang siya. wawa naman kse ako hehehe).

pero ayun! natapos ko rin ung report at mukhang ok nga, at mejo bumilib ata si ser harharhar!

owell, at least may karagdagang 'pogi' points din un noh haha! kaso mukhang kulelat ako sa last quiz ngekngekngek...sobrang layo nung sagot ko haha!

ayun, so dacanay paper na lang at CE quiz ang aatupagin ko ngayon!

mastah crammah!

2005-07-20T08:52:00.000+08:00

ok. i really, really, really have to fix my sleeping problem..i think it's a sickness already. no--a disease! this morning, i planned to wake up by 12mn, then i moved it to 1am...and guess what! it's freakin' 4am already! and i have to type my labreport from scratch! good thing i'm my best when pressured so a tidied up my labrep at about 840 in the mornin...juuuuust in time, fuck, i DO have a lot of time coz i plan to submit this at around 1130! hah! im that good! oh wait, i have to wait for my grade tho haha!

i have a full day today! a lab, a CE quiz, dacanay, and or meeting. then i have to type my theo paper, prepare for philo "report", and ano pa ba? owell, bahala na harhar!

no more dacanay please

2005-07-18T17:19:00.000+08:00

just biding my time right now before i go and finish some acads stuff...hay.

got a freakin F again from dax. actually, it was a question mark (arahay!). so now, i have to double up and work my ass off for the next quiz. hay. lord, help me. ang hirap naman ng prof na binigay mo sakin para matutunan ko ang mga gusto mo...ggggggg

hay! eto pa! walang kuwenta ung ginawa kong pagpupuyat kagabi dahil HINDI nisubmit ung project!! WTF?! etong sayo!

#include

int main()
{
printf("%d sayang! sana naman nakatulog na lang ako noh?!?!?!");
}

waaaarrgh!

i need to finish the guide questions for my labrep, i hope by today...para ok na and i can start typing by tomorra.

so what to do now? gotta finish those damn questions, read my philo, read some theo. hmph. i doubt it if i could do all of those. argh.

one more thing! my bro chanced upon a nike outlet sale in riverbanks! up to 40% off on selected items! this week only! i HAFTA get there and find some sneakersh!!!! sa wed kaya?! hmmm..e may org meeting pa e!!! basta! i need some sneakers!!!

spoke too soon!

2005-07-18T00:05:00.000+08:00

Ok, I take it back...CE "project" pa lang mahirap nah...pakshet..sana matapos na tong linggong ito!!!!

whoopsie..parating na!

2005-07-17T22:10:00.000+08:00

whokey...seryosohan na toh! i've got my first labrep for Ps115, and i have a project and a quiz tomorra for my CE22. i think i'm about 60% ready for that quiz, but the project's kinda difficult. but i think i can worm my way outta it (if my block meets to discuss it, that is! haha!). then i hafta study for my Ps101 already, or i'm in deep dodo...hell week na ba?! maybe. or maybe not. let's see.

help me Kuya Jess.

tnx. amen.

oh! oh! i have a paper for dacanay pa! due on monday!lintek naman. at least group work un.

kaya ko yan!

want to, but can't

2005-07-15T21:27:00.000+08:00

waaaaah!!! nag-iinuman sila kina joel ngayon!! pero ako, inde! baket?! kase kelangan kong gumawa ng powerpoint presentation para sa morsem!!! waaaah! andun daw o-boys, pati ung flag team...huhuhuhu.

pero ok lang..for the kids. for the kids. for the kids. for the kids. for the kids. for the kids.

waaaaah! gusto ko ng vodkaaaaaah! isang shat lang!!!

happy birthday joel at ivan...at mickeylu na ren. sana magsaya kayo jan. gawa muna ako powerpoint.

hwow...lapit nito a...

2005-07-15T09:53:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: March 25

Your birth on the 25th day of the month (7 energy) modifies your life path by giving you some special interest in technical, scientific, or other complex and often hard to understand subjects.

You may become something of a perfectionist and a stickler for details.

Your thinking is logical and intuitive, rational and responsible.

Your feelings may run deep, but you are not very likely to let them show.
This birthday makes you a more private person, more introspective and perhaps more inflexible.

In friendships you are very cautious and reserved.

You are probably inventive, and given to unique approaches and solutions.

wake up, my little sparrow...

2005-07-15T08:54:00.000+08:00

aaaagh. i can't seem to find the reason why i always fail to wake up on tiiiiiime!! maybe my celfone's too close to my bed, and all i have to do is bang on the keypads to shut the damn alarm off. then i end up waking 2-3 hrs too late harhar. dang it. gotta think of a new way to wake me up.

my saturday's gonna be better coz there's no area (haha!), but we have an orsem for the new members tho. hope to meet new peeps there. im thinkin of goin out saturday night, but shet, i have sone CE work to do --programming stuff that i can't seem to understand--and i hafta study for my classical mechanics (my prof's the ONLY relativist expert in the country, that's what i've been told).

anyways, this day's gonna ba quite full: lab activity from 1130-130, CE from 130-230, dacanay quiz 230-330, area heads' meeting with osci 330 onwards...then i have to prepare for Morsem presentation. hay. help me kuya Jess.

but i'll do fine.

avril and you

2005-07-14T23:33:00.000+08:00

just for fun, i went online hunting for avril lavigne wallpapers...i think i found 11 great pics. grabe, ang cute talaga ni avril!! crush ko siya sobra hehehe...

then it hit me.

you look just like her, or avril kinda reminds me of ya.

i guess that kinda means something.

but anyway, that was a LONG time ago.

hope to see ya around, tho.

a little something for my Musmos family...

2005-07-14T19:46:00.000+08:00

There was this game called “Tayo na sa Talipapa” which I had the chance to play back in high school. We were given cards which had pictures of different kinds of food on them, with each type of food having a particular value in comparison with the others. For example, a slab of meat was valued at 8 points, chicken at 6, fish at 4, vegetables at 2, and so on and so forth. The number of cards given to each person differed, and so did the types of food. Before the game started, we were asked to tally our points, which would then determine our status in the class. Depending on how many points we had to start with, we either belonged to the Taga-Lungsod, Taga- Barrio, or the Taga- Bundok. The mechanics of the game involved the players trading with each other, keeping in mind that the objective was to accumulate as much points as possible in order to improve one’s status. Several scenarios were then introduced as the rounds went on, affecting the values of the different types of food. At the end of each round, we tallied our scores and checked whether we improved our status, or not.

To begin with, majority of us were part of the Taga-Barrio and Taga-Bundok, with more people belonging to Taga-Bundok. Only a small number comprised the Taga-Lungsod. At the end of each round, more and more people became part of Taga-Bundok, some Taga-Barrios improved to Taga-Lungsod status, while some Taga-Lungsods got demoted. In the end, there remained a small number of Taga-Lungsods and Taga-Barrios, while almost everyone was now part of the Taga-Bundok.

How ironic it is to compare the National Situation in the Philippines to a simple folk entertainment. Funny to think of the National Situation as a mere game. Yet on the other hand, on a more serious note, we could be losing this game we are all playing. Worse, we have never even put up a challenge. And the worst thing that could happen is us playing this game we could not win in a million years; para tayong Shell vs. Team USA.

Let’s face it: a huge percentage of our population belongs to the poverty-stricken lower-class (the taga-Bundok) as more and more of the middle-class (the taga-Barrio) find themselves slowly sinking towards the poverty line. And to make things more humiliating, these unfortunate instances occur amidst affluence as the filthy rich (the taga-Lungsod), insignificantly little in number, remain wealthy as they gobble up most of the country’s not-so-large income. This is the National Situation.

Because of this great imbalance, Fr. John Carroll challenges “the elite to be more open to and concerned with the poor.” Those of the elite have the power to change things, be it better or worse, but nonetheless having the capability to influence society. On the other hand, the poor have absolutely nothing. As mentioned in the article, these people lack the opportunity to improve their lives because they lack “assets such as land, capital, credit, skills, health and education.” They are powerless to affect change in society, which is exactly what our society needs right now. Change.

And we are capable of changing things, as persons belonging to the more fortunate caste of our community, as students of a university dedicated to forming servers of society. In order to come up with a solution, Fr. Carroll envisions unity among the poor members of society, with those of the middle class acting as intermediaries between the elite and the poor. We are students of the Ateneo, and without doubt most of us belong to the elite, the rich. Yet, we must bear in mind that first of all, we are persons who are capable of reason, of conscience, of love. Secondly, we are just students; meaning, although we may belong to the elite who dictate the norms of society, we are but students, adolescents, teenagers. We aren’t the ones occupying positions in government or anything of authority. We might as well be kids, but with the potential to generate change in the future. There is a lot of time and opportunities ahead of us, and there are countless ways we can take in order to improve our country’s situation. Personally, it would sound quite hypocritical to mention specific ways or actions that one can take, but the point is, the possibilities are endless. Change is the only thing constant in this world; and perhaps, we, as Ateneans who are fundamentally members of society, would find ourselves changing our society for the better.

What more have I to ask to be at the forefront of helping our society other than being a member of an organization devoted to caring for the underprivileged? As members of Musmos, we may be part of the first steps of Fr. Carroll’s vision of groups who share the concerns of the poor. However, instead of acting as intermediaries, we become ate’s and kuya’s since we deal with street kids; hence, we are given this rare opportunity of forming this deeper bond which aims to heal and give comfort instead of just hearing the plight of our poor kids. With this unique relationship with these kids, we may be able to better understand the lives that they live, their environment of struggle and existence which we cannot relate with. We get the chance to familiarize ourselves with the true situation of poverty every weekend as we play with the kids, console them about their problems, learn more about them, feed them and just be there for them.

Ultimately, our activities in this organization are the vital foundations of bridging this void between the elite and the poor of society. Our presence gives these children hope that society hasn’t given up on them, that we still care. What we do may greatly influence our kids to stick to their dreams, to pursue them and to never give up on them because we believe that someday, these kids will grow up knowing that what is happening to society is all wrong. That someday, they may find in our actions the inspiration to do good, to love, and to create change.

my second blog...

2005-07-14T18:51:00.000+08:00

owell, here's my second blog...dagnabbit, for some weird reason, i lost my other blog. pakshet, had lots of stuff there. irreplaceable. owell. nevermind. im trying this new one tho, hope this works out just fine.